Trump and Putin are going to split Europe up between themselves, extreme hard-line Russian mouthpieces claim. The rhetoric is entertaining but considering most of it comes from Putin’s trained attack squirrel, Dmitry Medvedev, it needs to be taken in perspective. He also predicted the U.K. would be washed off the map with a nuclear tidal wave. Still, there may be crumbs of truth in what he has to say.
Let’s just split Europe
Why not just shove those metrosexual open borders globalists right out of Europe and keep it for ourselves. That’s an interesting question to consider, for sure. If Dmitry Medvedev can be believed, and he can’t, President Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are taking political science lessons from Randy Newman.
“No one likes us, I don’t know why,” Trump says. “We may not be perfect, but heaven knows we try,” Putin replies. “And all around, even our old friends put us down. Let’s drop the big one and see what happens.”
“We give them money, but are they grateful?” Trump adds. “No, they’re spiteful and they’re hateful. They don’t respect us, so let’s surprise them. We’ll drop the big one and pulverize them.”
After all, “Asia’s crowded, Europe is too old. Africa is far too hot and Canada’s too cold. And South America stole our name Let’s drop the big one, there’ll be no one left to blame us.”
The way Dmitry Medvedev sees it, Volodymyr Zelenskyy is a “cornered rat.” Another top Kremlin influencer told Russian media a “military coalition” of Washington and Moscow will “divide Europe to hell.”
They think Zelenskyy could get drastic. “The rat is cornered,” Vladimir Solovyov agrees. “Its behavior can be completely unpredictable. It scurries around, squeaks frantically and, as a rule, in such cases, eventually rushes into a counterattack.”
US really angry
“His main patron” Medvedev explains, is “really angry with him, which is to be expected after being bitten by the rabid Kyiv critter.” Trump’s getting drastic about clawing back the “plundered” American money. Meanwhile, Medvedev’s colleague, Vladimir Solovyov weighed in with his agreement.
“Why not create a military coalition of Russia and America and divide Europe to hell? Well, who needs it? It’s possible – I think it’s a great idea, right?”
The Russian pundits have it all figured out. “Bring in Russian and American troops and Europe won’t have to defend itself from anyone. Quietly, carefully, we’ll set up our bases in the usual places. Berlin, Paris, like in 1814.”
It’s similar to the idea trump has for the Gaza Strip. Since Israel killed Hamas off, why not take their land and go there for vacation?
It would solve a lot of problems and Mark Rutte can go back to harassing the Dutch farmers over cow farts. “In my opinion, clear, distinct, calm. Europe will immediately save on the armed forces, on the military-industrial complex. They won’t have to worry about anything – a great idea.”
Brussels melted down when they heard the news. All across Europe they’re really regretting falling so far behind on their defense dues.
