Xi Jinping ‘Hoping’ For an Aneurysm Cure

Xi Jinping

Xi Jinping is allegedly banking on Chinese herbal medicine to avoid surgery. It’s supposed to be the best in the world and it had better be, because the Pooh Bear has a brain aneurysm.

Xi won’t go under

Chinese rumors are suggesting that Xi Jinping has been diagnosed with a brain aneurysm. That means a major and crucially placed part of his blood supply is about to pop like a balloon.

Obviously, that isn’t a good thing. When other people get the same news, it almost always comes along with an order for rush surgery. It’s important to patch the artery before it blows like a tire on the rush-hour freeway. That can be fatal.

China’s self-declared Emperor for life is so beloved by his nation that he’s terrified into praying for a miracle.

Once they gas him for surgery, Xi is convinced, he’ll never wake up. With the herbs, he has at least a slim a chance of survival.

Bloggers” are blamed for spreading the word of Jinping’s condition, reporting that the 68-year-old autocrat “prefers traditional medicine and will refuse brain surgery.” Of course, state censors didn’t agree with that so the news was removed.

When Covid escaped from Wuhan and China “worked to export traditional medicine options for the treatment,” Xi was all for it. They called him “one of the campaign’s leading advocates.” He’s putting his life on the line over his endorsement of traditional folk ways now.

Closely guarded secret


The health of Xi Jinping is considered a closely held state secret. His age and lifestyle make him an obvious candidate for the condition which generally affects adults over 40.

The pundits are factoring in unconfirmed reports that the leader was “rushed to hospital late last year after doctors spotted a bulging blood vessel in his brain.” It’s nothing, he shrugged. Meanwhile, his buddy Vlad Putin is shrugging off similar rumors, that he’s dying of blood cancer.

Xi prefers to put his hope on traditional herbs and medicines which soften the blood vessels and shrink aneurysm. If he goes under the knife, that means handing the keys to the country and it’s nuclear arsenal to the CCP. At least, temporarily. If he wakes up they’re supposed to hand them back.

That means a lot of people will be out to kick his wires and tubes or bump the surgeon or give him a “custom” anesthesia or… The endless possibilities keep the Pooh Bear up at night. He’ll stick with his traditional honey. At least, when it blows he’ll hardly notice.

The body, experts say, “will not show any symptoms of brain aneurysm until it ruptures.” Things to look out for are headaches, eye pain, changes in vision and reduced eye movement.

Since Xi is of the opinion that doctors will make him sick, he would rather put his faith in the herbal cures his family depended on until all these pesky white coated demons came along. Either the herbs will work or they won’t. “About 25 percent of individuals whose cerebral aneurysm has ruptured do not survive the first 24 hours; another 25 percent die from complications within 6 months.”


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