2 Hitmen Pull Up in Jet Ski, Begin Spraying Bullets at Americans


The complimentary service of two ruthless cartel hitmen speeding up the coast on Jet Skis and spraying bullets at you is a great way to ruin your vacation. Especially when you get shot in the shoulder. One woman traveling from Kentucky learned the hard way and won’t be vacationing in Mexico ever again, she promises their tourism board.

Hitmen go too far

A turf war over drug distribution is one thing, but cartel killers aren’t supposed to shoot at the tourists. It’s bad for business. Two of their Hitmen accidentally shot a woman from Kentucky, but they didn’t mean it.

It seems that Kanya N., who won’t give her full name because she was probably purchasing some questionable substances, apparently picked the wrong dealer. The two locals weren’t as lucky as she was.

The apparent targets of the hitmen were the two dead “street vendors” innocently selling “crafts” to tourists. They both expired at the scene. The whole bizarre incident unwound on Friday, June 11, at Playa Tortugas which means “Turtle Beach” in Mexican. The place is described as “a popular beach spot along Cancun’s Hotel Zone.”

The American woman was allegedly “relaxing under a palm-roofed hut in the Mexican resort,” in close proximity to the other two victims, when “the seaborne attackers opened fire, spraying 10 to 15 rounds before zooming off,” never to be seen again.

Kanya was taken to a local hospital where her condition is unknown. She was “reportedly shot in the shoulder.” The two street vendors were el muerto at the scene. Along with the bright colored cheap tourist trinkets, everyone knows their real trade is pot and cocaine, which they keep the visitors happy with. The hitmen were apparently mad that El Jefe didn’t get his cut.

Just as likely, it might have been a business competitor feeling the squeeze of decreased demand from the states. Arizona just legalized weed, Oregon did the same and added cocaine and heroin to the ignore list. Kamala Harris is threatening to legalize it all everywhere and that really scares the cartels.

A territory dispute

The local authorities are convinced that the mishap was “connected to a territory dispute among drug-selling gangs in the region.”

The Mexican state of Quintana Roo, all the way down on the Yucatán Peninsula, “which encompasses Cancún, Playa del Carmen, Tulum and Cozumel,” is known far and wide as “as a landing spot for narcotics coming from South America, as well as a drug consumption hub due to the large presence of visitors.” Hitmen are everywhere down there but the tourist board is quick to point out that “tourists are rarely targeted in these attacks.”

To appear to be in control of the situation and doing something, “Police investigating the deadly attack cleared the beach of unlicensed vendor huts in an apparent effort to rid the area of drug dealers.” Get rid of the dealers and the hitmen won’t have anything to shoot at. For today — except prosecutors.

A little later on, “shots were fired at the local branch of the state prosecutor’s office that combats small-scale drug trafficking.” They aren’t sure if the two incidents are related or not.

Experts note that back in in 2018, a street vendor in Cancún was targeted by assailants on a jet ski. That time nobody was hurt. Even so, it sounds like the same modus operandi. Another seemingly unrelated incident that might turn out to be related after all is a truck that exploded in Columbia.

It blew out windows, damaged buildings, and injured a few soldiers but none of the American ones who were visiting. They too were working on some drug interdiction efforts and, just like the Cancun hitmen, seems to be related to Kamala Harris and her new focus on Central American politics.


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