Report: Biden and Pelosi’s Satanic Love Affair

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Conservative Opinion released a report Friday that made everyone do a double take. The scary part is that the transcripts, both Pelosi’s and Biden’s, match what the right-wing outlet had to say. On Thursday, viewers of the Democratic 2021 Issues Conference got a lot more than they bargained for when they tuned in. The perverted show put on by Nasty Nancy Pelosi and Imperial Leader Joe Biden borders on public satanic kiddie-porn cyber-sex and makes Pizzagate look like a little trip to Chuck E Cheez.

Report of satanic love affair

When the conservatives started circulating a report about the “satanic” “love affair” between His Imperial Wisdom Joe Biden and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, everyone thought it was a joke. Then they watched the video. The first thing they notice is that Nancy appears to have a plentiful supply of her favorite beverage sitting at her elbow.

Sources close to the Speaker have alleged her preference is “triple gin, damn the vermouth I don’t have time for that and hold the olive because I swallow the damn things.” The liquor sure loosened her tongue. She taught her grandkids the magic words aren’t “open sesame,” it’s “open Biden.” It’s in the transcript.

Holy Joe, for his part, was alleged in the report to say such sappy things as “Nancy, I love you. There’s no one I’d rather work with than you.” He also told the world, “I admire the devil out of you.”

He makes it sound like he’s inviting her over for an exorcism, so they can have a three-way with the demon. After all, they’re both allegedly Catholic. He can’t wait to sniff her grandkids. All of that is in his transcript too.

Pelosi started off the show which is thankfully rated somewhere below X but above PG-13. She kept her clothes on but you could see she was almost ready to rip them off. If you let your youngster’s watch it, they could get nightmares.

She was supposed to be introducing the Imperial Leader to the Democrat conference to kick around the issues facing them in 2021. The first is going to be damage control from what she had to say. The wacky report wasn’t all that far from the mark.

A story about the grandchildren

The report and the transcript agree. After she got herself heated up a bit and the ethanol was flowing freely in her blood she started talking about the kiddies.

“My husband, Paul always says, ‘I just wonder how long into a speech it will be before Nancy starts talking about her grandchildren.’ Our grandchildren, my grandchildren, have for many, many years, been longtime friends of Joe Biden. They have a range in age, but all of them love Joe Biden. But let me tell you one story.” She looked like she was going to get some snapshots out of her wallet.

In 2013 she took them to an event where Biden gave a speech. The report was on target there too. After “the luncheon was over, I took them got candy. Don’t tell their mom. I took them for candy at a place, Dylan’s in New York, where they have sort of like swinging doors. You have to get through the doors from one part of the store to the next. So, here they are, the place is packed and jammed. Kids are making all this noise over there on the side. And all of a sudden, I hear them pronounce, ‘In order to open these doors, we do not say open sesame, we say Open Biden. That’s our magic word.'”

Evangelicals are screaming in horror but there’s no need to assault Dylan’s to look for hidden torture chambers in the basement. After introducing him incorrectly as the “45th” president, she concluded, “Open Biden, Mr. President.” He may not be a member of the Ku Klux Klan but Pelosi seems to think he’s a wizard under a sheet.

Biden was thrilled that she remembered. He loves her whole family. As matches the conservative report, he really did say, “Nancy, I love you. There’s no one I’d rather work with than you. We’ve been friends a long time — and your whole family, your daughters. And it — it’s just been a great relationship.”

Like a genie in a lamp, she really rubs him the right way. “You just have a special way about you, Nancy.” That’s why “I admire the devil out of you.” In you, out of you, any which way you want. Just bring the girls.

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